1 00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:02,900 Bye. 2 00:00:35,140 --> 00:00:40,240 It has been a busy week. Progressive Abdul El-Sayed narrowly won the 3 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:45,560 Democratic primary in Michigan. A SpaceX rocket crashed into the moon. And there 4 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:50,280 was a fender bender on I-71 in Cincinnati, which isn't in and of itself 5 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,900 noteworthy, but the way it got reported was pretty great. 6 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:58,920 Traffic is blowing down both sides around this car, as well as that on 7 00:00:58,920 --> 00:00:59,920 -ramp. Oh, shit. 8 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,300 Oh, I'm so sorry. 9 00:01:01,690 --> 00:01:04,930 This literally just watched a crash happen in real time. 10 00:01:05,590 --> 00:01:08,330 And I almost said something inappropriate. 11 00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:11,270 Well, not almost. 12 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:16,110 To be fair, you basically let the whole word out there. Not that I'm judging, by 13 00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,450 the way. Oh, shit is a completely appropriate response. 14 00:01:18,790 --> 00:01:22,310 To think a car crash happened, an inappropriate one, would have been if 15 00:01:22,310 --> 00:01:28,770 you said nice, or that one didn't quite do it for me, or a long, soft moan. But 16 00:01:28,770 --> 00:01:30,030 just blurting out shit? 17 00:01:30,510 --> 00:01:32,250 That is called being a human being. 18 00:01:32,930 --> 00:01:36,870 And look, I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of the show enjoying 19 00:01:36,870 --> 00:01:40,670 clips of people swearing on local news. But sadly, there is no time to do that 20 00:01:40,670 --> 00:01:44,190 because we're actually going to dive straight in with our main story tonight, 21 00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:45,310 which concerns justice. 22 00:01:45,610 --> 00:01:50,590 It's both a snatched, blindfolded lady and also a pretty good name for a dog 23 00:01:50,590 --> 00:01:51,590 above 40 pounds. 24 00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,830 Specifically, we're going to talk about the Department of Justice, which has 25 00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:57,750 been in the news a lot lately for a bunch of reasons, from its prosecutions 26 00:01:57,750 --> 00:02:01,030 of James Comey and other Trump enemies to subpoenaing journalists who've 27 00:02:01,030 --> 00:02:04,170 reported critically on the administration. And just this week, we 28 00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:09,070 saw an absolute fiasco surrounding Jeanine Pirro, US attorney for DC and 29 00:02:09,070 --> 00:02:11,250 future star of The Real Housewives of Hell. 30 00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:16,750 You might remember, last month, she charged this former Olympic canoeist 31 00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:20,970 with a felony for allegedly vandalising the reflecting pool, justifying her 32 00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:21,970 decision like this. 33 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:25,520 Hearn willfully destroyed property. 34 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,780 Does he have any tools, or is it just his bare hands? 35 00:02:28,460 --> 00:02:31,180 Right now, we believe it's his bare hands. Both hands. 36 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,960 So does that indicate you believe that it was probably damaged before, or do 37 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,200 you believe that he... Oh, he damaged it. ...further, but do you believe it 38 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,460 had already been damaged before? He damaged the pool. 39 00:02:41,780 --> 00:02:44,320 Before he touched it. He damaged this pool. 40 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:49,740 Okay, okay. First, you have to promise not to take what I'm about to say out of 41 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:50,740 context, because... 42 00:02:50,890 --> 00:02:54,190 I do not want to see this pulled out in a headline tomorrow, okay? 43 00:02:54,570 --> 00:02:58,350 That said, we shouldn't always have to believe women. 44 00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:05,750 Because sometimes women, like Janine Pirro, and many men, can be, and again, 45 00:03:05,830 --> 00:03:10,130 do not quote me on this, dumb as fuck, wrong as shit, and louder than a drunk 46 00:03:10,130 --> 00:03:11,850 parakeet. The point is... 47 00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:17,350 That was a wild claim. And last Friday, the DOJ quietly moved to dismiss the 48 00:03:17,350 --> 00:03:20,630 charge, acknowledging what everyone already assumed, that the damage to the 49 00:03:20,630 --> 00:03:24,110 reflecting pool was the result of a botched installation and not, in fact, 50 00:03:24,130 --> 00:03:28,450 vandalism. Trump, though, was not happy about that and reportedly considered 51 00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:31,830 firing Pirro, saying that she choked and adding this. 52 00:03:32,230 --> 00:03:37,090 I was disappointed with Jeanine Pirro, really disappointed with Jeanine Pirro. 53 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:40,290 She folded like an umbrella. 54 00:03:42,409 --> 00:03:47,110 Okay, that is, unfortunately, a very funny way of saying it. 55 00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:51,630 Honestly, in another universe, a much better one, Trump would be a sassy 56 00:03:51,630 --> 00:03:53,670 upstairs neighbour on a long-running sitcom. 57 00:03:54,310 --> 00:03:57,930 Sadly, instead, if the president and his bitchy quips about being bummed that the 58 00:03:57,930 --> 00:04:00,970 US Attorney for DC isn't getting the results that he personally wants are 59 00:04:00,970 --> 00:04:03,710 signs of a slow-moving constitutional crisis. 60 00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:09,160 And that is far from... the only sign that the DOJ is increasingly acting at 61 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,760 Trump's behest. Just this week, the Senate confirms his former personal 62 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:16,019 attorney, Todd Blanche, as Attorney General, despite, among other things, 63 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:20,480 controversy over the anti-weaponization fund meant to benefit Trump's allies and 64 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:24,560 the accompanying settlement that protected Trump from IRS audits, which 65 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:25,740 is just madness. 66 00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:30,390 The deciding vote on Blanche came down to Bill Cassidy, who gave a speech 67 00:04:30,390 --> 00:04:35,430 outlining the many, many good reasons not to confirm Blanche before announcing 68 00:04:35,430 --> 00:04:39,450 that he was going to vote for him anyway and then ending his address like this. 69 00:04:39,750 --> 00:04:41,730 I'll be criticised for this vote. What's new? 70 00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:52,790 But... People from Louisiana. 71 00:04:55,950 --> 00:05:01,050 can be assured that I worked hard to understand the issue and to make the 72 00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,050 right decision. 73 00:05:04,290 --> 00:05:05,630 With that, I yield. 74 00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:08,490 What the fuck was that? 75 00:05:09,470 --> 00:05:12,710 That has got to be one of the most over-the-top dramatic performances I 76 00:05:12,710 --> 00:05:15,990 have ever seen. And I will remind you, that's coming from someone who's now 77 00:05:15,990 --> 00:05:17,610 been in multiple soap operas. 78 00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:26,940 whining, I'll be criticised for this, what's new? 79 00:05:27,220 --> 00:05:28,280 I don't know, man. 80 00:05:28,540 --> 00:05:32,540 Maybe try voting for something people would actually like. If every day before 81 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:36,560 work you psych yourself up in the mirror saying, here we go, another day at the 82 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:41,020 arsehole factory making everyone hate me, it might be time to reconsider some 83 00:05:41,020 --> 00:05:42,060 of your choices. 84 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:47,640 And look, some of the messes at the DOJ have obviously been well covered, from 85 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:51,160 the reflecting pool to its suspicious treatment of the Epstein files. But the 86 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:55,630 damage to it actually goes f***ing far beyond the splashiest headline. So given 87 00:05:55,630 --> 00:05:59,250 that tonight, we thought it might be worth checking in on what changes Trump 88 00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:03,210 has made at the DOJ, who's working there now, the priorities they've been given, 89 00:06:03,310 --> 00:06:07,670 and what that means for the rest of us. Let's start with the fact that the DOJ 90 00:06:07,670 --> 00:06:12,850 is a massive organisation, encompassing everything from the FBI to the DEA to 91 00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:16,410 the Bureau of Prisons. But we're going to focus mainly on the thousands of 92 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:19,110 lawyers who, among other things, litigate its cases. 93 00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:22,890 They've long been held in high esteem within the legal profession, and at 94 00:06:22,890 --> 00:06:27,070 least post-Nixon, most modern presidents have understood that their mission 95 00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:29,010 necessitates a degree of independence. 96 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:33,430 In fact, the first time Obama met with his US attorneys, he apparently told 97 00:06:33,430 --> 00:06:37,910 them, I appointed you, but you don't serve me, you serve the American people. 98 00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:43,990 And as this former DOJ official points out, that ideal is foundational to how 99 00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:45,530 the department is supposed to operate. 100 00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:49,860 In the Department of Justice, when you stand up in court, you don't say, I'm 101 00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:53,840 Mike Gordon representing a particular person. You say, I'm Mike Gordon 102 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:57,600 representing the United States and all of its people, even the defendant, even 103 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:58,600 the judge himself. 104 00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:03,160 Exactly. You represent all America's people. The defendant, the judge, Queen 105 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:07,460 Latifah, your sophomore English teacher, the Hawk Tour girl, a few hundred 106 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:11,440 thousand thieves, white girls with dreadlocks named River Swallow, and the 107 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,600 bus drivers who closed the door even though they definitely saw you running. 108 00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:20,740 Speak for all of them. And even Trump's first Attorney General this term, Pam 109 00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:24,900 Bondi, seemed to know enough to promise senators that she would preserve the 110 00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:27,540 agency's independence during her confirmation hearings. 111 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:33,560 I will not politicize that office. I will not target people simply because of 112 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,040 their political affiliation. 113 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:40,480 Justice will be administered even-handedly throughout this country. 114 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,240 Well, thank you, Pamela Jo. 115 00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:46,580 For one have always wondered what would happen if Elle Woods got hooked on 116 00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:48,580 lorazepam and now I know 117 00:07:49,390 --> 00:07:54,410 But the independence promised by Pinstripe Targaryen here clearly did not 118 00:07:54,410 --> 00:07:57,850 last long. Just a few weeks into Bondi's time on the job, she actually 119 00:07:57,850 --> 00:08:02,810 accompanied Trump to the DOJ to address staff, where she said, we are so proud 120 00:08:02,810 --> 00:08:05,530 to work at the directive of Donald Trump. 121 00:08:05,770 --> 00:08:09,190 He then gave a speech in which he complained that the DOJ had become a 122 00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:12,650 corrupt group of hacks and radicals, and made it clear that he felt it had been 123 00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:15,950 weaponised against him, even during this striking comparison. 124 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:21,900 I was attacked by a political opponent and probably it helped that I was 125 00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:26,240 attacked more than anybody in the history of our country. Alphonse Capone, 126 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:31,880 the great Alphonse Capone, legendary, star-faced, was attacked only a tiny 127 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:33,500 fraction of what Trump was attacked. 128 00:08:34,159 --> 00:08:37,960 Okay, but, I'm sorry, Alphonse? 129 00:08:39,220 --> 00:08:42,200 What are you, Capone's mother when she's mad at him? 130 00:08:43,049 --> 00:08:47,210 A second, why on earth would you try to affirm your innocence by referencing a 131 00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:50,650 famous criminal? If you don't want people to associate you with something, 132 00:08:50,770 --> 00:08:53,810 don't bring up the comparison. There is a reason that you'll never catch me 133 00:08:53,810 --> 00:08:59,610 making reference to Mr Peapoddy, or Marcy, or Milhouse, or the Nerdy 134 00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:03,210 Nutbear, the official mascot of Nerdy Nuts, or indeed this sink. 135 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:07,610 I need the audience to keep us separate. 136 00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:12,920 But sure enough, almost immediately after Trump took office last year, the 137 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,940 DOJ began to purge officials who'd investigated him or his allies. And that 138 00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:21,200 was just the beginning of a massive housecleaning. And it is worth 139 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:26,220 understanding the extent to which the DOJ's workforce has changed. First, it's 140 00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:27,620 gotten meaningfully smaller. 141 00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:31,870 Before Trump took office, there were just under 13,000 attorneys at the DOJ, 142 00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:36,990 but nearly 4,000 have since left, and only around 1,400 have been hired to 143 00:09:36,990 --> 00:09:41,250 replace them. In fact, they seem to be really struggling to recruit people, as 144 00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:44,350 the job standards in some offices have been lowered to the point that 145 00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:48,150 applicants no longer even have to have worked as an attorney, they just have to 146 00:09:48,150 --> 00:09:50,830 have a law degree and active state bar membership. 147 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:54,890 And even some of its non-lawyer hires have been questionable. Just watch this 148 00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:58,530 exchange when Bondi testified before Congress in February. And a congressman 149 00:09:58,530 --> 00:10:01,330 brought up some footage from January 6th. 150 00:10:01,570 --> 00:10:05,370 I want to show you just a brief video. It's about 30 seconds. And I'll ask you 151 00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:07,430 a couple questions about it. You guys are disgusting. 152 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,730 I'm from the law enforcement. 153 00:10:11,970 --> 00:10:12,970 You're disgusting. 154 00:10:13,050 --> 00:10:14,050 You are the Nazi. 155 00:10:14,230 --> 00:10:15,230 You are the Gestapo. 156 00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:36,480 Attorney General Bondi, that man works for you now, right? 157 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,440 Who was that, Congressman? 158 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:46,620 The man in that video, the one who was in the police-worn body cam footage, the 159 00:10:46,620 --> 00:10:52,260 one allegedly yelling, kill him, at police officers on January 6th, his name 160 00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:53,059 is Jared Wise. 161 00:10:53,060 --> 00:10:55,620 He does work for us. He works for you at the Department of Justice. 162 00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:56,939 He does. 163 00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:57,940 Yeah, not great. 164 00:10:58,939 --> 00:11:02,000 Especially given that the man in question, this guy, was hired as part of 165 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,620 the DOJ's new weaponization working group. 166 00:11:04,820 --> 00:11:09,020 Though maybe the worst part there is Bondi asking for his name, as if anyone 167 00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:13,160 in the crowd of screaming violent rioters could plausibly be working for 168 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:17,020 her. Did I hire the shrieking lunatic you just showed me? You'll have to be 169 00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:17,999 more specific. 170 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,100 I see a lot of strong candidates and familiar faces there. 171 00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:25,120 But it's not just personnel that's changed, it's priorities. 172 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,520 As you've probably noticed, the agency's brought a bunch of cases and 173 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,860 investigations against Trump's enemies, including ones against James Comey, 174 00:11:31,860 --> 00:11:35,740 Letitia James, Adam Schiff, and Jerome Powell. And it seems fair to suggest 175 00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:40,300 that many were brought on Trump's personal instructions, especially given 176 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:44,260 last fall he literally posted this note to Pam Bondi that read, Pam! 177 00:11:46,030 --> 00:11:49,730 I have reviewed over 30 statements and posts saying that essentially, same old 178 00:11:49,730 --> 00:11:51,710 story as last time, all talk, no action. 179 00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:56,170 Nothing is being done. What about Comey, Adam's shifty ship, Letitia? 180 00:11:56,410 --> 00:11:58,630 Justice must be served now, all cap. 181 00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:04,030 Now, there have been reports that that was actually meant to be a DM to Bondi, 182 00:12:04,030 --> 00:12:08,670 but Trump accidentally posted it publicly instead, which does seem 183 00:12:08,670 --> 00:12:12,290 plausible to me, not just because of the use of PAM up top. 184 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:16,580 But also because, try and remember, Trump was born in 1946. 185 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:21,440 It is frankly a miracle that we don't seem accidentally posting more things 186 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:25,800 that he thought he was typing privately, like Trump approval rating, or Christie 187 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:29,340 known bathing suit, or which one was Lindsey Graham. 188 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:34,060 Now, many of the cases and investigations I've mentioned so far 189 00:12:34,060 --> 00:12:37,480 have since fallen apart, and while I would love to list them all for you, 190 00:12:37,580 --> 00:12:42,090 it's a lot. More fun, honestly, watching them being recited directly into Todd 191 00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:43,090 Blanch's face. 192 00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:47,650 The record has been tough for both Comey and James. The indictments get 193 00:12:47,650 --> 00:12:51,630 dismissed. The indictment against Congressman Adam Schiff that he called 194 00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:54,610 for it never gets off the ground. The probe into those six Democratic 195 00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:56,930 lawmakers, the grand jury declines to indict. 196 00:12:57,130 --> 00:13:02,490 A judge in D.C. tosses out a subpoena for Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell. 197 00:13:03,330 --> 00:13:05,530 That's bad news for the department. 198 00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:06,950 Nope. 199 00:13:07,079 --> 00:13:10,860 Well, not bad news for the department. It means that we're working hard. Look, 200 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,560 those are difficult cases. 201 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,540 They are difficult cases, the ones that you talked about, and some of them are 202 00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:22,460 still ongoing, so I'm dancing around the conversation a little bit. But we're not 203 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:26,520 going to run away from hard cases, even if the media doesn't like it. 204 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,540 Okay, first, no one's accusing you of running away. 205 00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:31,500 They're accusing you of losing. 206 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,100 Rest assured, everyone believes you ran cock first as hard as you could straight 207 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,100 into a brick wall. 208 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:41,560 And second, I didn't realise the existence of repeated unsuccessful 209 00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:44,160 attempts was actually good news. 210 00:13:44,420 --> 00:13:46,920 That's huge for DC movies, if true. 211 00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:51,980 And that string of failures brings me to the fact that a lot of people that 212 00:13:51,980 --> 00:13:55,620 Trump's brought into the DOJ seem to be well below the standard you would 213 00:13:55,620 --> 00:14:01,040 expect. in their jobs. And one key sign of this is the DOJ's repeated failure to 214 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:04,860 get grand jury indictments. That's often a formality in our legal process. 215 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,040 Basically, the government gets to present its evidence without any 216 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,900 response from the defence, and grand jurors merely have to decide whether the 217 00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:15,060 government's proven that there is probable cause that a suspect has 218 00:14:15,060 --> 00:14:17,640 committed a crime, which is a very low bar. 219 00:14:17,950 --> 00:14:22,290 In fact, it is so pro-former, there's an old saying that any good prosecutor can 220 00:14:22,290 --> 00:14:24,510 get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich. 221 00:14:24,710 --> 00:14:28,390 And before you roll your eyes at how folksy that sounds, you should know the 222 00:14:28,390 --> 00:14:30,670 sandwich in question pulled its dick out in a movie theatre. 223 00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:34,850 And to answer the one question that I know you all have right now, it was 224 00:14:34,850 --> 00:14:35,850 despicable me. 225 00:14:37,170 --> 00:14:42,130 But incredibly, Trump's DOJ has frequently been unable to clear that 226 00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:43,130 very low bar. 227 00:14:43,630 --> 00:14:46,330 with one notable instance involving a literal sandwich. 228 00:14:46,590 --> 00:14:50,170 You might remember last year in D.C. when a man threw a sub at a Border 229 00:14:50,170 --> 00:14:52,110 Patrol agent and then ran away. 230 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:57,050 Well, in the immediate aftermath, Jeanine Pirro bragged that she was going 231 00:14:57,050 --> 00:14:58,350 to throw the book at him. 232 00:14:58,670 --> 00:14:59,910 He thought it was funny. 233 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:03,250 Well, he doesn't think it's funny today because we charged him with a felony, 234 00:15:03,450 --> 00:15:08,830 assault on a police officer, and we're going to back the police to the hilt. So 235 00:15:08,830 --> 00:15:12,230 there, stick your Subway sandwich somewhere else. 236 00:15:18,060 --> 00:15:21,700 First, he can't actually stick his family somewhere else. He pretty 237 00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:23,380 famously threw it at someone. 238 00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:28,220 Second, I'd argue it is technically still funny. And finally, no notes on 239 00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:32,320 the pantsuit there. I genuinely like that you went to your tailor and asked 240 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,380 her to look like Cruella de Vil if she got away with it. 241 00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:40,590 But, as far as bringing justice... to the sandwich thrower that man apparently 242 00:15:40,590 --> 00:15:44,190 offered to turn himself in after prosecutors issued a warrant but instead 243 00:15:44,190 --> 00:15:49,690 they launched a militarized 20-person operation to storm his apartment and the 244 00:15:49,690 --> 00:15:52,550 white house even released this dramatic video of that raid 245 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:25,980 Every part of that is so dumb, including the timestamps 11.13 to 11 246 00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:31,580 .21. You are telling me it took a SWAT team eight minutes to arrest a guy whose 247 00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:36,700 crime is committed every day by children at recess and who's already tried to 248 00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:42,000 turn himself in? As for West End, D.C., are you trying to make that feel gritty? 249 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:46,540 Where did your Big Gary mission happen, dipshits? Somewhere between the Spanish 250 00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:47,940 Embassy and the RIC? 251 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:54,250 fact they made such a production out of that man's arrest is what makes it so 252 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:57,510 embarrassing that when prosecutors eventually showed their evidence to a 253 00:16:57,510 --> 00:17:02,530 grand jury, it declined to indict him. Pirro ultimately settled for charging 254 00:17:02,530 --> 00:17:06,430 him with a misdemeanor, but even then he got acquitted, in part because, well, 255 00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:10,150 the agent in question testified that the sandwich kind of exploded all over. 256 00:17:10,790 --> 00:17:13,550 And I could feel it through my ballistic vest. 257 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,349 And that he smelled the onions and the mustard. 258 00:17:18,589 --> 00:17:22,690 The defense... pointed to video showing that the sandwich had actually stayed 259 00:17:22,690 --> 00:17:26,210 intact inside its wrapper. Which is just incredible. 260 00:17:26,569 --> 00:17:32,550 I so wish I could have seen that agent walk far after work and respond to, how 261 00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:36,230 was your day? Yeah, not great, to be honest. I told the jury a sandwich 262 00:17:36,230 --> 00:17:38,090 exploded on me, but they had video. 263 00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:43,170 And that is by no means the only high-profile prosecution that fell 264 00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:47,070 apart. In Chicago, an attempt to prosecute the so-called Broadview Six. 265 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:51,160 Protesters who'd been arrested outside the Broadview Ice Facility was withdrawn 266 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:55,180 after misconduct by the prosecutors there, including the fact they'd spoken 267 00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:59,220 to grand jurors outside the grand jury room. What's more, after initially 268 00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:03,220 failing to get an indictment, they tried again, but stacked the deck by removing 269 00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:07,120 some jurors who'd previously voted against them, which is just not how it 270 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:11,320 works. And transcripts of that proceeding were an absolute 271 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:12,320 embarrassment. 272 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:16,480 Check out this exchange from October 16th between Assistant U.S. Attorney 273 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:20,660 Sherry Mecklenburg and a grand juror. Grand juror, quote, are you actually 274 00:18:20,660 --> 00:18:24,760 presenting any new actual facts or just a different viewpoint on your side? 275 00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:28,540 Ms. Mecklenburg, quote, okay, I'm feeling the skepticism already. 276 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,580 Are you going to be able to listen with an open mind? Tell me the truth. 277 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,420 Grand juror, quote, I know. 278 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,780 Miss Mecklenburg, quote, okay, then you have to go. 279 00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:41,060 Grand juror, quote, I heard this case like last week, and I thought it was a 280 00:18:41,060 --> 00:18:44,060 crock of expletive then, and I still think it is. 281 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:50,580 Excellent. I know that once you do jury duty, you're supposed to be out of the 282 00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:54,120 running for a while, but I would argue that we should have that person on all 283 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,300 juries going forward. 284 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:59,420 Because they are a natural at it. I genuinely wish that they'd be called for 285 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:03,660 the Elizabeth Holmes trial, just so that we'd have a transcript reading, juror 286 00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:06,500 quotes, holy shit, your client is guilty as fuck. 287 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,460 And why does she sound like Mira Sorvino at the bottom of the well? 288 00:19:11,620 --> 00:19:15,100 And look, you might be thinking, well, that case was completely meritless. I'm 289 00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:17,740 glad the DOJ fucked it up. But first, remember... 290 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:22,180 For people caught up in these bullshit prosecutions, they've been scary, time 291 00:19:22,180 --> 00:19:23,520 -consuming and costly. 292 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:28,260 And second, the DOJ's incompetence unfortunately isn't limited to these 293 00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:31,920 cases. Some of their new hires have fucked up cases where the stakes are 294 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,020 much higher. 295 00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:36,720 In Wyoming, Trump's newly appointed prosecutor, a man who'd incidentally 296 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:40,720 never before appeared in court as part of a criminal or civil proceeding, 297 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:45,360 behaved wildly unprofessionally, including at one point handing out his 298 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,360 business cards. 299 00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:50,660 to members of the grand jury and inviting them to reach out to him. 300 00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:54,920 His conduct was so egregious, a court dismissed indictments that he'd gotten 301 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:59,000 against nine criminal defendants, including ones facing charges for murder 302 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,380 and repeat possession of child pornography. 303 00:20:02,060 --> 00:20:05,780 And while a new grand jury later recharged those particular cases, it is 304 00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:10,420 not great for this guy seemingly learning how grand juries work on the 305 00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:14,260 job, especially given he's still in charge of that fucking office. 306 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,300 And that is the thing here. 307 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:21,680 In normal times, the DOJ does some incredibly important work, but sadly, 308 00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:26,000 under Trump, while political prosecutions have risen, other genuinely 309 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:30,940 important ones have either been messed up or just tossed aside. For all the 310 00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:35,580 headlines about bullshit cases like the reflecting pool or the sandwich 311 00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:40,780 murderer, the real decay at the department has unfortunately got much 312 00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:42,660 less attention, which isn't good. 313 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:47,360 Because it does feel important that people know that not long after Bondi 314 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:51,300 was appointed, the agency began shutting down more than 23,000 criminal 315 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:55,560 investigations concerning things like terrorism, white-collar crime, drugs and 316 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,600 other offences, and including everything from a Virginia nursing home with a 317 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,480 recent record of patient abuse to an investigation into a cryptocurrency 318 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,580 company suspected of cheating investors. 319 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:08,760 But maybe the grimmest picture of the quiet damage a politicised DOJ can do 320 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,280 can be seen by looking at its civil rights division. 321 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:15,170 It's often referred to as the crown jewel of the Justice Department. 322 00:21:15,450 --> 00:21:19,130 It was created by Congress during the Civil Rights era to ensure all the new 323 00:21:19,130 --> 00:21:22,930 laws prohibiting discrimination in voting, employment and so on were 324 00:21:22,930 --> 00:21:23,970 actually being enforced. 325 00:21:24,630 --> 00:21:27,770 Unfortunately, that mission is now being turned on its head. 326 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,620 under its current leader, Harmeet Dhillon. You may remember that we showed 327 00:21:31,620 --> 00:21:34,740 you a clip of her earlier this year, talking about how she finds cases to 328 00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:38,780 pursue on social media and by following accounts like Libs of TikTok. 329 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:43,240 Well, that is just the beginning of the red flags when it comes to putting her 330 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,660 in charge of civil rights. 331 00:21:44,980 --> 00:21:45,980 Someone asked me... 332 00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:52,190 what I think is the most critical civil rights issue of our time that's on a 333 00:21:52,190 --> 00:21:53,169 daily basis. 334 00:21:53,170 --> 00:21:57,130 And I said, I think it's not even in the Bill of Rights. It's the fact that 335 00:21:57,130 --> 00:22:00,550 Americans feel like they have to lie every day to get through the day. They 336 00:22:00,550 --> 00:22:01,610 have to lie about pronouns. 337 00:22:02,110 --> 00:22:07,090 They have to lie about the person in the cubicle next to them being qualified if 338 00:22:07,090 --> 00:22:07,809 they aren't. 339 00:22:07,810 --> 00:22:12,290 They have to pretend to laugh at and like certain types of jokes. 340 00:22:13,580 --> 00:22:16,800 late night comedians when they don't agree with them. 341 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,240 Okay. Obviously. 342 00:22:22,220 --> 00:22:25,800 It is bonkers to be claiming that the biggest issues right now are lying about 343 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:29,600 pronouns, job qualifications and late night comedians, although for the 344 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:33,220 record, why are we not pretending to find my jokes funny? They are simply 345 00:22:33,220 --> 00:22:37,080 laughing out of an abundance of politeness until I get to the sad facts 346 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,380 and numbers that we all know they came to see. Speaking of which, hey guys, 347 00:22:40,580 --> 00:22:44,220 according to the Centre for Biological Diversity with at least 51 whale deaths 348 00:22:44,220 --> 00:22:48,680 this year, 2026 could rank among the deadliest years for West Coast whales. 349 00:22:53,610 --> 00:22:54,610 They love facts. 350 00:22:55,910 --> 00:23:01,470 But Dylan's list of grievances there is basically a bizarro world version of 351 00:23:01,470 --> 00:23:04,850 civil rights where the only ones that matter are those of conservatives. For 352 00:23:04,850 --> 00:23:08,290 example, her division has been aggressively looking into supposed voter 353 00:23:08,290 --> 00:23:12,610 fraud, suing DC and 30 states to obtain unredacted voter rolls to fish around 354 00:23:12,610 --> 00:23:13,610 for offenders. 355 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:17,880 Notably, their record to date with those lawsuits is 21 straight losses. 356 00:23:18,220 --> 00:23:22,300 It's also launched investigations into admissions at universities like UCLA and 357 00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:26,440 Yale, largely focused on potential discrimination against white applicants. 358 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:29,940 And at the same time, it's dropped lawsuits and investigations into all 359 00:23:29,940 --> 00:23:34,100 these police departments, including the Phoenix PD, where the DOJ had previously 360 00:23:34,100 --> 00:23:37,780 found, among other things, severe discrimination, routine violations of 361 00:23:37,780 --> 00:23:41,500 the rights of homeless people, and excessive use of force. And good luck 362 00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:46,180 explaining that decision. Sorry, guys, we can't investigate police misconduct. 363 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:50,760 Brantley here couldn't get into Yale, so we had to make a whole federal case out 364 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:55,240 of it. He's dumb as shit, but his dad's very successful, and that used to mean 365 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,240 something. 366 00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:58,940 But that is not all. 367 00:23:59,450 --> 00:24:03,290 Because the Civil Rights Division has also stepped into undue settlements that 368 00:24:03,290 --> 00:24:05,330 it had reached while Biden was in office. 369 00:24:05,530 --> 00:24:09,170 One such settlement involved Lowndes County, Alabama, a historically under 370 00:24:09,170 --> 00:24:13,430 -resourced, primarily black area, where many residents have never had access to 371 00:24:13,430 --> 00:24:15,390 a municipal water or sewage system. 372 00:24:15,730 --> 00:24:20,870 Before the Biden-era DOJ got involved, things there were really bad, as this 373 00:24:20,870 --> 00:24:22,450 2022 news segment explained. 374 00:24:22,930 --> 00:24:26,610 Untreated sewage can lead to bacterial infections and intestinal parasites. 375 00:24:27,610 --> 00:24:29,490 The only solution is a new system. 376 00:24:30,570 --> 00:24:35,030 But the hard clay soil here requires specially designed septic systems that 377 00:24:35,030 --> 00:24:37,850 can cost as much as the median household income in Lowndes County. 378 00:24:38,170 --> 00:24:44,490 Every time it rains, people, they know what might happen. They know that sewage 379 00:24:44,490 --> 00:24:46,490 may shoot out and come back in their house. 380 00:24:47,070 --> 00:24:50,630 Right, and that is obviously horrible, because let us all agree, under certain 381 00:24:50,630 --> 00:24:54,910 circumstances, it can be fun when water goes up. Think of fountains. 382 00:24:55,210 --> 00:24:57,630 Old faithful. A whale spouting. 383 00:24:58,050 --> 00:25:01,810 Magnificent. But now, imagine if that spray was coming out of a different 384 00:25:01,810 --> 00:25:05,630 whale hole, and it was doing it all over your home where you and your things 385 00:25:05,630 --> 00:25:07,570 live. You'd be justifiably pissed off. 386 00:25:08,110 --> 00:25:12,010 And what made that situation even worse was the fact homeowners there could face 387 00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:16,610 criminal charges, fines or jail time for failing to install a septic system, even 388 00:25:16,610 --> 00:25:18,130 if they couldn't afford to. 389 00:25:18,570 --> 00:25:21,650 Now, thankfully, in 2023, the Civil Rights Division reached an agreement 390 00:25:21,650 --> 00:25:25,190 that not only stopped the state from delivering fines and other penalties 391 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:29,270 against residents there, it ensured the state would be an active participant in 392 00:25:29,270 --> 00:25:34,070 the solution by helping to find ways to pay for new septic systems, which is 393 00:25:34,070 --> 00:25:35,090 obviously good. 394 00:25:35,770 --> 00:25:40,610 A long-standing problem got some traction toward a solution when the DOJ 395 00:25:40,610 --> 00:25:46,050 stepped in. But as soon as Harmeet Dhillon took over, she terminated that 396 00:25:46,050 --> 00:25:50,430 agreement, saying the DOJ will no longer push environmental justice as viewed 397 00:25:50,430 --> 00:25:52,930 through a distorting DEI lens. 398 00:25:53,270 --> 00:25:58,380 And just listen to local activists who had worked... incredibly hard to bring 399 00:25:58,380 --> 00:26:01,180 septic systems to their area, reacting to that argument. 400 00:26:01,500 --> 00:26:05,080 When we started doing this work, people weren't even saying anything about DEI. 401 00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:06,520 We didn't know what DEI was. 402 00:26:07,060 --> 00:26:13,060 Is fixing wastewater in this part of Alabama DEI? 403 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,660 Absolutely not. I mean, I don't care who applies for the program. 404 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:26,400 Right. And honestly, even having to answer our septic tank DEI is pretty 405 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,940 insulting. It's one of those questions that should really be laughable on its 406 00:26:29,940 --> 00:26:34,360 face, but which will also now almost inevitably one day be the lead chyron on 407 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:39,420 Fox News, alongside other questions like, have museums gotten too gay? Or 408 00:26:39,420 --> 00:26:42,980 are butterflies trans? Or can women just stop? 409 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:49,410 And look, I am not saying... The DOJ doesn't have its flaws. We've talked 410 00:26:49,410 --> 00:26:53,650 multiple times about the problems with prosecutors and the laws they're called 411 00:26:53,650 --> 00:26:54,770 upon to enforce. 412 00:26:54,990 --> 00:26:59,570 But it can and should also be a force for righting wrongs. 413 00:27:00,010 --> 00:27:03,350 Unfortunately, in Trump's second term, it's become an agency where a lot of 414 00:27:03,350 --> 00:27:07,590 newly hired dipshits are running around pursuing his vendettas while actively 415 00:27:07,590 --> 00:27:10,610 undermining work that could actually help people. 416 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:14,580 And the institutional damage here has already been considerable. Judges have 417 00:27:14,580 --> 00:27:17,960 apparently begun questioning the so-called presumption of regularity, 418 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,360 they extend to government lawyers. That's basically just assuming that 419 00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:22,800 prosecutors are not going to lie in court. 420 00:27:23,020 --> 00:27:26,260 And it is hard to get that level of trust back. 421 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:30,740 The potential long-term damage here is honestly difficult to sum up, but this 422 00:27:30,740 --> 00:27:32,900 former DOJ lawyer comes pretty close. 423 00:27:33,370 --> 00:27:36,950 The thing is, as prosecutors, we have an ethical obligation that's higher than 424 00:27:36,950 --> 00:27:41,990 any other attorney because what a prosecutor can do is we can take away 425 00:27:41,990 --> 00:27:46,350 somebody's liberty. And what they're doing is they're driving out people that 426 00:27:46,350 --> 00:27:48,750 are willing to follow the law. 427 00:27:49,310 --> 00:27:55,930 And that's terrifying because our democracy falls apart if there's not 428 00:27:55,930 --> 00:27:59,810 some sort of law and order that goes along with it. Exactly. 429 00:28:00,510 --> 00:28:05,150 We need prosecutors at the DOJ who actually value upholding the law. And it 430 00:28:05,150 --> 00:28:08,030 feels insane to even have to say that out loud. 431 00:28:08,650 --> 00:28:11,970 It's one of those things that should be a given. Like, we need teachers who know 432 00:28:11,970 --> 00:28:16,370 how to read. Or we need barbers who use scissors instead of their teeth. We're 433 00:28:16,370 --> 00:28:19,850 in a dangerous place if this is even a fucking discussion. 434 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:24,660 And look, the hard truth here is that a lot of the damage I've discussed tonight 435 00:28:24,660 --> 00:28:28,400 probably won't be possible to undo until Trump leaves office. And at that point, 436 00:28:28,460 --> 00:28:32,640 there'll clearly be a ton of work to be done, starting with rehiring the 437 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:36,860 competent lawyers who've left all being pushed out. But in the meantime, it is 438 00:28:36,860 --> 00:28:41,060 worth remembering that as bleak as this story is, and I know it is bleak, so 439 00:28:41,060 --> 00:28:45,960 far, thankfully, a lot of the system's guardrails have actually held up. 440 00:28:46,330 --> 00:28:50,890 When Jeanine Pirro folded like an umbrella over that reflecting pool case. 441 00:28:50,990 --> 00:28:54,770 I'm guessing it wasn't out of any sense of personal shame. After all, you've 442 00:28:54,770 --> 00:28:55,770 seen how she dresses. 443 00:28:57,670 --> 00:29:02,170 More likely, it was, as some former prosecutors have argued, fear of getting 444 00:29:02,170 --> 00:29:06,630 sanctioned. As one has said, the DC federal bench has not been reticent in 445 00:29:06,630 --> 00:29:08,990 holding prosecutors accountable, which is good. 446 00:29:09,410 --> 00:29:13,250 Also, you've seen judges throw out... some of the most egregious cases, and 447 00:29:13,250 --> 00:29:17,250 grand juries decline to bring charges. And it's going to be important for that 448 00:29:17,250 --> 00:29:20,630 to keep happening, even as Trump continues to stock the federal bench 449 00:29:20,630 --> 00:29:25,470 with utter maniacs. In fact, there is a real argument right now, even more so 450 00:29:25,470 --> 00:29:30,310 than usual, that if you get called to serve on a jury or a grand jury, that 451 00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:35,530 you do do it. And I know that that can be a really tough sell. Not everyone is 452 00:29:35,530 --> 00:29:37,650 thrilled with the idea of jury service. 453 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:41,820 But I will remind you, there are real upsides here. One, they give you a small 454 00:29:41,820 --> 00:29:46,260 stipend. Two, you get a sense of civic pride. And finally, if you are lucky, 455 00:29:46,420 --> 00:29:51,320 you might end up on the news for telling a lazy government prosecutor that their 456 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:53,340 case is a complete crock of shit. 457 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:55,520 And now, this. 458 00:29:56,460 --> 00:30:02,860 And now, people on TV handled National Grab Some Nuts Day exactly as you'd 459 00:30:02,860 --> 00:30:09,400 expect. It is also Grab Some Nuts Day, and I would normally reach for... 460 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:10,820 Okay. 461 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:14,179 Macadamia nuts. 462 00:30:14,180 --> 00:30:15,180 Macadamia nuts. 463 00:30:15,300 --> 00:30:19,460 Sorry. I just looked at Crystal, and she was giggling a little bit, and I lost 464 00:30:19,460 --> 00:30:22,800 it. If it feels like Christmas and your birthday all at once, that's because 465 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:26,880 it's the best day of the year. It is National Grab Some Nuts Day. It's 466 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:32,220 National Grab Some Nuts Day, so enjoy your mixed ones today. 467 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,920 Okay. So it's National Grab Some Nuts Day. 468 00:30:37,340 --> 00:30:39,460 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Exactly. 469 00:30:39,940 --> 00:30:43,940 Now, can we keep it above a fourth grade level, Desiree? No, we can't. For all 470 00:30:43,940 --> 00:30:46,440 children. It is Grab Some Nuts Day. 471 00:30:47,020 --> 00:30:50,300 A handful of... Peanut. 472 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,860 Snack. Snack. Mm-hmm. There you go. So it's a big day. 473 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,080 Mm-hmm. 474 00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:57,520 Snack. 475 00:30:57,900 --> 00:30:59,100 Thinking I better be safe. 476 00:31:01,740 --> 00:31:05,760 Moving on. Finally tonight, a quick update about Buc-ee's. You may remember, 477 00:31:05,940 --> 00:31:09,000 a couple of weeks ago, we talked about their habit of suing businesses for 478 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:12,840 trademark infringement, going after everyone from a cartoon moose to a koala 479 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:16,640 bear to an alligator that looks nothing like a beaver, but a lot like it was in 480 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:18,220 D.C. on January 6th. 481 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:23,000 Well, in response, we set up our own store selling branded Buc-off 482 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,900 merchandise. Now, the good news is, we've raised almost half a million 483 00:31:26,900 --> 00:31:28,860 dollars for Hunger-Free America so far. 484 00:31:31,740 --> 00:31:35,380 It doesn't seem that Bucky's got the message, because apparently they're at 485 00:31:35,380 --> 00:31:36,380 it again. 486 00:31:36,620 --> 00:31:40,900 Bucky's is in the spotlight again, suing local shop Beaver Mini Mart, claiming 487 00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:44,620 the Beaver Creek business used a name and logo too similar to the company's 488 00:31:44,620 --> 00:31:45,820 well-known Beaver branding. 489 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:49,800 According to complaints, the mart's drawings share similarities to Bucky's 490 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:54,120 mascot, including wide eyes, a smile, and red as the predominant color. 491 00:31:54,420 --> 00:31:57,060 Yes, it turns out they're still filing lawsuits. 492 00:31:57,690 --> 00:32:00,510 You know, it might be time to name the Bucky's beaver Mitch McConnell, because 493 00:32:00,510 --> 00:32:02,690 it seems this bitch will not quit. 494 00:32:04,010 --> 00:32:08,450 Also, those carton beavers clearly look nothing like each other. To pick one 495 00:32:08,450 --> 00:32:12,770 obvious difference, the Bucky's logo wears a hat, while the minimark beaver 496 00:32:12,770 --> 00:32:16,410 is still in an Eden-like state of innocence, where he knows not that he is 497 00:32:16,410 --> 00:32:21,390 naked, nor to cover his own nakedness. I'm sorry, but I can spot when a beaver 498 00:32:21,390 --> 00:32:24,030 is born with original sin, and bingo, buddy, it's you. 499 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:29,300 The details of this latest case are just incredible, because it turns out the 500 00:32:29,300 --> 00:32:33,800 mini-mart has been going by that name since at least 2019, while Bucky's has 501 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,280 only been in the state of Ohio since April. 502 00:32:36,940 --> 00:32:42,220 Also, its new location there is 74,000 square feet and features brisket, jerky, 503 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:46,160 beaver nuggets, and more than 100 gas pumps, whereas Beaver's Mini-Mart is a 504 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:50,620 local corner store that sells lottery tickets, has no gas pumps, and is miles 505 00:32:50,620 --> 00:32:52,640 from the nearest interstate. In fact... 506 00:32:53,050 --> 00:32:54,990 Here is what they look like side by side. 507 00:32:55,230 --> 00:32:59,610 That mini-mart looks like something that they would sell inside of a Bucky's. 508 00:33:00,190 --> 00:33:04,870 And yet, Bucky's alleges that its name and Beaver logo are likely to cause 509 00:33:04,870 --> 00:33:06,030 confusion among consumers. 510 00:33:06,230 --> 00:33:07,850 But how exactly? 511 00:33:08,710 --> 00:33:13,190 There is no way anyone is confusing their local convenience store with a 512 00:33:13,190 --> 00:33:17,210 gasoline Valhalla 20 minutes away by car. 513 00:33:17,430 --> 00:33:21,050 And look, on top of all of that, remember, the mini-mart... 514 00:33:21,370 --> 00:33:23,450 is literally the place called Beaver Creek. 515 00:33:24,730 --> 00:33:27,470 So it's frankly no wonder residents there are pissed. 516 00:33:27,910 --> 00:33:30,470 We're the city of Beaver Creek. There's beavers everywhere. 517 00:33:30,970 --> 00:33:32,090 I think the lawsuit is so dumb. 518 00:33:32,910 --> 00:33:37,710 There was a constant stream of customers at Beaver's Mini Mart today, many with a 519 00:33:37,710 --> 00:33:38,710 similar purpose. 520 00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:43,010 Made me want to come support them and just help out a local business that is 521 00:33:43,010 --> 00:33:45,530 being what really feels like bullied by a big corporation. 522 00:33:45,870 --> 00:33:50,410 Reading into it more that Bucky's has gone after other companies over this, it 523 00:33:50,410 --> 00:33:53,860 just... Put a bad taste in my mouth, because they just seem like such a fun 524 00:33:53,860 --> 00:33:57,660 company, and to see this, that they're coming after a small business like this, 525 00:33:57,700 --> 00:34:00,680 it just, it upset me like it did a lot of Beaver Creek residents. 526 00:34:00,980 --> 00:34:04,460 Yeah, I bet it did, because even though that man seems even keeled there, that 527 00:34:04,460 --> 00:34:07,060 is as upset as someone from the Midwest gets. 528 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:13,000 He's politely expressing disappointment, gently shaking his head, and wearing the 529 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:17,580 Ohio version of war paint, which is a tucked-in Cleveland Browns lanyard. That 530 00:34:17,580 --> 00:34:21,290 is... The New York equivalent of setting a police car on fire. 531 00:34:22,250 --> 00:34:26,130 Bucket's lawsuit is characteristically aggressive. Among its demands are that 532 00:34:26,130 --> 00:34:30,190 the minimart destroy all signage and any other materials with its name or logo, 533 00:34:30,310 --> 00:34:35,130 and file a report in writing setting forth in detail the manner and form in 534 00:34:35,130 --> 00:34:38,710 which it did so, which feels wildly over the top to me. 535 00:34:39,150 --> 00:34:43,550 Describing writing, how you destroyed your mascot, is one step away from 536 00:34:43,550 --> 00:34:46,730 saying, send us the severed head of your beaver or else. 537 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:51,920 And as many Beaver Creek residents have pointed out, if Bucky's won't let the 538 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,960 mini-mart use a beaver in its logo, that could be a slippery slope. 539 00:34:55,199 --> 00:35:00,220 Because they've understandably got a bunch of beaver stuff there. From Beaver 540 00:35:00,220 --> 00:35:05,000 Creek Pizza Dive to the Bowling Alley Beaver View Bowl, the town's annual 541 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:09,780 popcorn festival has a beaver mascot, as does Beaver Creek High School, whose 542 00:35:09,780 --> 00:35:12,160 mascot is literally named Bucky the Beaver. 543 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:17,000 And he has been around for decades, by the way, as you can see from this almost 544 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,420 certainly haunted photo. 545 00:35:18,940 --> 00:35:21,220 Please say that you can see him too. 546 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:25,740 I really don't want to be the only one who can see him. 547 00:35:26,700 --> 00:35:30,020 Because he looks like the only photo they show in a true crime documentary of 548 00:35:30,020 --> 00:35:31,020 the serial killer. 549 00:35:32,230 --> 00:35:36,490 They even have fiberglass beavers all over town with various themes, including 550 00:35:36,490 --> 00:35:41,170 a doctor beaver, an Air Force beaver, a disco beaver, and, appropriately for 551 00:35:41,170 --> 00:35:43,430 this story, a lady justice beaver. 552 00:35:44,350 --> 00:35:47,670 She and the disco beaver are hooking up, by the way, but you didn't hear it from 553 00:35:47,670 --> 00:35:48,670 me. 554 00:35:48,780 --> 00:35:51,520 Thankfully, other local businesses have been showing their support. 555 00:35:51,780 --> 00:35:56,820 Rabbit Hole Books posted a new version of their logo with a beaver in it, with 556 00:35:56,820 --> 00:36:01,080 a caption reading, come and get us, buckies, you don't own every beaver, 557 00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:03,060 which is undeniably true. 558 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:08,380 And they weren't the only ones temporarily rebranding. Dozens of local 559 00:36:08,380 --> 00:36:12,220 businesses all over Beaver Creek and the Dayton region showing their solidarity 560 00:36:12,220 --> 00:36:13,500 with Beaver's mini-market. 561 00:36:13,820 --> 00:36:15,580 by adding some beaver-inspired designs. 562 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:19,440 Blueberry Cafe is one of the businesses who poked a little fun at the whole 563 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:23,220 situation by jokingly changing their logo to a blueberry beaver. 564 00:36:23,540 --> 00:36:28,100 Excellent. And while I don't love the obvious answer to the question, how did 565 00:36:28,100 --> 00:36:30,780 all those businesses come up with beaver logos so fast? 566 00:36:31,100 --> 00:36:36,760 I do love that they have clearly gone full I am Spartacus on a rodent-themed 567 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:37,760 gas station chase. 568 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,960 And it didn't stop there. A local bakery sold solidarity cookies saying, shop 569 00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:46,280 local, protect your beaver, which is a solid message no matter the legal 570 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:47,280 landscape. 571 00:36:47,500 --> 00:36:51,940 And a t-shirt company sold these excellent t-shirts to raise money for 572 00:36:51,940 --> 00:36:55,460 the mini-mart and its legal fund, which has also been heavily supported by this 573 00:36:55,460 --> 00:37:00,220 GoFundMe. The point here is, people in Beaver Creek are not letting this go. 574 00:37:00,580 --> 00:37:03,980 It's really got Beaver Creek in an uproar right now. So many people are 575 00:37:03,980 --> 00:37:04,980 upset. 576 00:37:05,460 --> 00:37:06,460 What's next? 577 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:09,940 What's next? Beaver Creek was here before they were. How dare they? Their 578 00:37:09,940 --> 00:37:13,580 beaver doesn't even look like a beaver. They should be sued by Alvin and the 579 00:37:13,580 --> 00:37:15,200 Chipmunks, because that's what it looks like. 580 00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:17,940 Oh, shots fucking fired! 581 00:37:18,180 --> 00:37:19,760 By the way, she's right about that. 582 00:37:20,380 --> 00:37:24,040 Fucking does look a lot like Alvin. Alvin wears a red hat, his accent color 583 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,440 is yellow, and they both look like they lost their virginities with Justin 584 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:27,440 Bieber song. 585 00:37:27,839 --> 00:37:31,920 Now, admittedly, the face in the Bucky's logo is a little lumpier, but if the 586 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,920 lead singer of the Chipmunks ever got Macaulay Culkin in my girls, he'd be a 587 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,980 dead ringer, literally a dead ringer. You can't bury him without his glasses. 588 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:43,680 But look, I've got to say, I just love how protective of the mini-mart the 589 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,640 local community is. This is a genuine question. 590 00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,460 Can a town be president? 591 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:51,140 Because I truly haven't been dis-inspired by a town since one in 592 00:37:51,140 --> 00:37:55,200 Connecticut literally named a shit factory after me. Look, it is 593 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:56,200 unbelievable. 594 00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:00,080 How badly Bucky is bucking this up. Instead of just dropping their bullshit 595 00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,500 lawsuits in the wake of our peace, something that would have generated them 596 00:38:02,500 --> 00:38:07,080 a tremendous amount of goodwill, they've tripled down by going after yet another 597 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,340 small business. And in the process, they've managed to mobilise the most 598 00:38:10,340 --> 00:38:14,640 passionate and dedicated community of Beaver fans on planet Earth. And look, 599 00:38:14,740 --> 00:38:18,820 you can and should go buy some of Beaver Creek merch. It's all excellent, and for 600 00:38:18,820 --> 00:38:23,540 what it's worth, you can still buy our buck-off merchandise at buck-off.com. 601 00:38:24,140 --> 00:38:28,850 Interestingly... We were actually planning on closing that store down on 602 00:38:28,850 --> 00:38:32,190 September the 8th, but as long as Bucky's is suing that mini Martin Beaver 603 00:38:32,190 --> 00:38:34,290 Creek, it is staying fucking open. 604 00:38:34,610 --> 00:38:39,210 And if anyone at Bucky's corporate headquarters is watching this right now, 605 00:38:39,310 --> 00:38:42,910 I've actually got someone who'd like to say hi to you. It's Mr. Nutter Butter. 606 00:38:48,910 --> 00:38:53,070 Mr. Nutterbutter, great to see you. What a fantastic T-shirt you've got. How are 607 00:38:53,070 --> 00:38:55,890 you doing? Have you got a message for Bucky's right now? 608 00:38:56,110 --> 00:38:57,110 I sure do. 609 00:38:57,310 --> 00:38:59,370 Y'all can go buck yourselves. 610 00:38:59,690 --> 00:39:00,690 Yeah. 611 00:39:01,510 --> 00:39:05,510 Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on. You seem a bit sad, Mr. Nutterbutter. Are you 612 00:39:05,510 --> 00:39:07,770 disappointed because Bucky's hasn't sued us yet? 613 00:39:08,090 --> 00:39:12,670 Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry about that. Is that because you wanted them to sue us and 614 00:39:12,670 --> 00:39:15,710 then lose and then we'd get to film a big musical number in Times Square where 615 00:39:15,710 --> 00:39:17,530 we tell them to eat shit and then later they die? 616 00:39:19,870 --> 00:39:20,910 Yeah. Yeah. 617 00:39:21,610 --> 00:39:25,650 Me too, buddy. But don't worry, it could still happen, especially because our 618 00:39:25,650 --> 00:39:31,050 store is still open. You can buy Buck Off merchandise at buck-off.com. That is 619 00:39:31,050 --> 00:39:31,549 our show. 620 00:39:31,550 --> 00:39:34,430 Thank you so much for watching. We'll see you next week. Good night. 621 00:39:34,770 --> 00:39:35,850 We did it, buddy. 622 00:39:36,490 --> 00:39:37,510 We did it. 623 00:39:37,890 --> 00:39:38,890 Let's... 624 00:39:49,930 --> 00:39:50,930 So welcome.